‘Tis the Season for Divorce?
Research from the
University of Washington has suggested that divorce filings in some states
consistently peak in the months of August and March. The study noted that divorce filings may be
driven by a “domestic ritual” calendar and suggested that the increased filings
may be the result of unhappy spouses realizing that the holidays or vacations did
not live up to their expectations. Unhappy couples often think that the
holidays or vacations are good times for them to mend their relationships. They
seem to develop an optimistic approach thinking that things will be better in
the relationship if they have a nice holiday or vacation together, as a family.
In
New Hampshire, the attorneys at Parnell, Michels
& McKay
have experienced a similar increase in divorce consultations and
filings in the first quarter of the year (after the holidays) and in the summer
(after the kids get out of school). We
have traditionally felt that the biggest reason for the increase in
consultations and filings was more practical. We believed that the increase
during the first quarter of the year had more to do with not wanting to face
divorce or force the kids to face divorce during a time of year that is supposed
to be happy (i.e. the holidays). It seemed to us that the increase in divorce
action in the summer was based on the possibility of the family needing to sell
the family home and therefore, changing the kids’ schools. We had not considered
the possibility that couples may have delayed pursuing divorce feeling that
holidays or vacations would bring change to a troubled relationship. This
realization reminds us that family dynamics and reasons to divorce are
different for all people.
Whatever
the time of year and whatever the reason, clients regularly tell us that going
through a divorce was the most
difficult time in their lives. The emotional and financial toll is devastating
to an individual, and the family as a whole.
Our experience with divorce shows us that
divorce is at least 90% emotional and only about 10% legal. This means that helping our clients to manage
their emotional responses during the divorce process can provide tremendous
benefit to the client and allow the divorce process to be less adversarial and
less expensive. Divorcing clients
regularly experience a variety of emotions including anger, sadness, fear,
distrust, and many others. It is often
the emotional reactions and responses that prevent divorces from settling, not
the complexity of the legal issues.
Collaborative
Practice
can help clients manage their emotions and get through the divorce in a
healthier and less adversarial way. Collaborative Practice is a method of
dispute resolution that aims to keep divorcing couples and their children out
of court. Unlike traditional divorce, Collaborative Practice gives couples
more control over the outcome of their separation. Rather than having a judge
decide the family's future through litigation, Collaborative Practice allows
couples to make flexible agreements that address the financial, psychological
and legal aspects of divorce. In addition to often being less expensive than a
traditional divorce, Collaborative Divorce takes the entire
family into account. “Moms and dads can’t divorce, husbands and wives do and
that is one big difference”, Anne Lucas,
a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and member of King Collaborative Law in
Seattle said.
The
Collaborative Practice team is made up of a collaboratively trained lawyer for
each party and a combination of collaboratively trained neutral financial, mental health and/or child specialists. These
jointly retained specialists help couples navigate the emotional aspects of divorce
and negotiate solutions that are mutually beneficial to the whole family.
Attorney Catherine
McKay
has been practicing Collaborative Divorce since 2000. If you have questions or wish to learn more
about the process and how it can benefit your family anticipating divorce, contact Attorney McKay.
