Adoption is about what is best for the child not what is
best for the parents. As the law states, a child’s needs should come first, or better put,
the best interests of the child should come first. The best situation for a
child is sometimes to be adopted into a stable home. Financial security and the
love of caring parents are both important to a child’s development. The time
spent raising a child affects how the child behaves, feels, and ultimately
interacts with the world as the person they become. Many factors play into the
decision of what is best for the child. It can be hard for birth-parents to
give up their child, but adoption can sometimes be the in the best interest of
the child. The child may be afforded a better opportunity with adoptive-parents
that love them just as much as or more than the birth-parents and can give the
child emotional security and stability.
Yet, the question often remains, will the child end up
knowing their birth-parent? Or better put, is open adoption or closed adoption
the best option? Often there are legal issues where the decision is out of the
hands of the birth-parent. However, in a lot of situations the choice between
open, closed, or semi-open adoption and the degree to which it is open is
decided by the birth-parents and adoptive-parents. For those who do not know
what open and closed adoption is, open adoption is when the child knows the
birth-parents and can even have a relationship with them, while closed adoption
is when the child is unaware of who their birth-parents are and the
birth-parents do not know who adopted their child. Semi-open is a blend of
both.
Closed adoption can be good for both birth and adoptive
parents, and depending on the situation, the child. In a closed adoption, the
adoptive-parents do not have to worry about the influence of the birth-parents
on the child, and the birth-parents can move on from what they gave up since
they are not involved in the child’s life. Closed adoption can also be good for
the child in that the birth-parents could be a bad influence and could impact
their development in a negative way. However, the child would go through their
life not knowing about where they came from and will wonder where they would be
if they weren’t adopted. They will also wonder who their birth-parents are, and
that can create a fantasy parent. This is when a child imagines who their
parent was, and creates an unrealistic person in their mind. Moreover, just
like fear of the unknown, not knowing who their parents are can haunt someone
and affect their emotional development, relationships with others, and their
connection to the parents that actually raised them.
Open adoption can be good for all parties involved. The
birth-parents can still see their child grow up and see the good situation
their child is in and that they made the right decision to give them up for
adoption. However, the birth-parents might be upset that they are not raising
their child themselves. Despite the possible emotional issues with the parents,
the child gets to have some closure and a possible relationship with their
birth-parents. Instead of wondering for the rest of their lives where they came
from, who their parents are, and what their life could have been like, the
child has peace from the knowledge they receive from having their birth-parents
in their life. However, this can create conflict between birth-parents and
adoptive-parents, and is a big factor in deciding what type of adoption is
best. Moreover, there may be behavioral issues with the birth-parents that
caused the adoption in the first place that may make an open adoption
untenable.
I can attest to the idea of constant wondering, as I am
adopted. I was adopted at birth by two amazing parents and into a wonderful
Christian family with two of the best older brothers a sister could ask for. I
do not doubt for a second that I am in the best situation. However, that does
not eliminate the wondering I have. I have always been curious as to who my
birth-parents are, how my life would turn out if I wasn’t adopted, and how much
of who I am comes from my biological parents. I don’t know about anyone else,
but not knowing things, especially big things such as this, can cause me a lot
of stress and anxiety. My mind wanders and flies around looking for answers,
only it feels I am never able to land on solid ground. An outsider might say
it’s looking for the part of me that has always been missing. There’s something
about the biological connection one has to family that you don’t know is absent
until you are in a situation like mine. Now, my adoptive parents are my
parents. They’re the ones who raised me and they’re the ones who take care of
me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel as though something’s missing. Not to
mention, everything could have turned out differently. Every argument, every
fight, every bad outcome is made worse by the idea that there was a possibility
it couldn’t have happened. I could have been adopted into a different family or
I could have just not been adopted and this whole problem that’s causing me
pain could have never happened in these other scenarios. However, just like I
wonder about the good that might come from not being adopted, there is also
bad.
I say all this because I strongly believe that if I had the
opportunity to meet my birth-parents, the wondering would stop. The mystery
would be solved. I would have reached the understanding that I am where
I’m supposed to be a whole lot sooner than I did. I know this understanding
that I may be disappointed by what I see in them. Still, I would have closure,
and that is valuable in itself.
My adoption is a semi-open adoption, although it often
feels like a closed one. I know some details about my birth-parents, such as a medical
history and that my birth-mother is now married (not to my birth-father) and
has three children. That’s it. That’s all I know. To me, that’s not enough.
Since I have turned eighteen, I have started to make steps
towards finding my birth parents. I’m not looking for a fairy-tale ending. I
know that fairy tale endings are rare in life, but I would like to know. I just
want some closure so I can stop wondering, even if the answers may not be what
I was looking for.
Open adoption would have solved all these problems. Yet,
these problems are nowhere near the possible problems I could have faced if I
was not adopted. I am so thankful for my family and for everything they have
done for me. I would not be where I am today without them and I am looking
forward to seeing how much more I can accomplish and grow all because they gave
me the opportunities needed to succeed.
I am quite passionate about adoption. I wouldn’t be writing
this if I wasn’t. If I get married and decide to have children, my first step
is to adopt or to foster a child. There are children out there that need a safe
home with caring parents or guardians. If you’re considering adoption, know
that you could be the best place for a child to be and take the leap to provide
your love and care that child needs. If you’re considering giving your child up
for adoption, think about the child first and foremost. Do what is best for the
child, because that is the most important thing.
Written By – Anna M.
