Several
months ago, this blog discussed the value of good co-parenting. All too often,
the media plagues its consumers with disheartening narratives like the
vindictive ex-wife or the deadbeat dad. Unquestionably, Family Law is a field bursting with deep-seated emotions. The
most important thing for any parent is their child. Parents want to make sure
their kids are safe and secure, both financially and physically. Parents want
to ensure their children grow up healthy, happy and successful. They want a better
life for their children. In fact, what is often lost in the media’s tropes are
the impact such narratives have on children. These tropes can arise from toxic
co-parenting. A consistent and constant problem in a number of cases before New
Hampshire’s Family Courts arises from parents’ inability to effectively
cooperate with one another, where their old romantic issues bleed into the
raising of their children.
While
lawyers should never pretend to be trained psychologists or family therapists,
clients rely on us to tell them what the “right” thing to do is. However, what
is “right” can take on several different meanings, which is often dependent on
the client’s perspective. There are a few areas a client must consider: their
legal rights and the practical outcome from the exercise of those rights. At Parnell, Michels & McKay, our attorneys always counsel our clients to try
and work out their issues with their exes before filing in Court. In
particular, while counseling on the legal implications and choices in front of
a client, we turn that client’s focus to the importance of co-parenting.
However, what is “good” co-parenting?
Several
years ago, Psychology Today wrote an article that contained a “Do and Don’t” styled checklist to
establish good co-parenting. While the “Do” items on that checklist are
certainly useful, the most important information comes from the “Don’t”
section. Specifically, the last item titled, “Don’t Accuse. Discuss”. Many
co-parenting relationships break down because the other partner is focused on
what they want for their child without first addressing the other parent’s
position. Often, the parenting devolves into what one parent wants to see from
the other parent in the name of “the good of their child”. A good co-parenting
tree starts from the seed of effective communication. While you may have a
problem with the other parent’s style of parenting, how that issue is addressed
often makes the difference between well-functioning co-parents and toxic co-parenting.
Certainly, there may be times where the parties cannot agree and they have a
reasonable basis for it. However, even if the matter ends up in Court, both
parents have to be willing to listen to the other parent going forward on their
disagreement, because that decision alone sets a good example for their children.
Before
you consider filing a motion against your ex-partner, it would be wise to
consult with an attorney who can provide you with both the legal and practical
advice. The family law attorneys
at Parnell, Michels & McKay are well-versed
in providing such a two-pronged approach when dealing with family matters. We
seek to advise people through the emotional mountains and valleys that come
with a family law dispute. If you are interested in learning more about
parenting plans, divorce, child support, or any other legal worries, please contact us to learn
more. We can help you get you back to parenting in normalcy.
